Finding Her Way Back

"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed (so sulking in her house probably isn't a good option)."  ツ  --- Proverbs 11:25

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(My final post about Charlie Cat.)

Oh. My. Goodness.

No other 5 weeks in my 31 New York state years were this emotionally traumatic. The loss of Charlie Cat shocked my mind. Devastated me.

He was meant to stay 11, 12, years with us and instead? Seven months, only, did he capture our hearts and enchant us. Oh, that young cat loved us! Every day he showed us unconditional affection. 

And how much of that do you find these days?

Wow. I lost ground, like being yanked backward, whoosh! This was different, not just the death of a pet, but rather, an attack. Questions, anger, confusion, self-pity, numbing grief, disappointment, crying at the memories, wondering if I'd made mistakes. Silence instead of speaking. Not wanting to move forward, but rather, to be allowed another chance.

But after death there are no do-overs.

I had to extend much forgiveness toward the situation and everyone involved, even God, who never messes up, but which mostly became forgiving myself for not understanding His reasons for allowing this. For not seeing any good--and doesn't He turn all things for good?

The not knowing why, the possible 4, or so, vet-listed possibilities, one maybe an accidental dropping of a pain pill (a simple aspirin can kill a cat). But again! The not-knowing for certain. The guilt, deserved or not.

Yet after time, I spied comments online from women still bitterly grieving for their pets 5, even 10 years later and I knew that certainly was not God's plan for me. 

I began to choose healing.

God created me to encourage others, to write in this blog, not to hide or open myself to a spirit of grief which focuses only on oneself, her pain and all things gone wrong now and before, even.

"Heal me and I shall be healed," I told God over and over. "Restore unto me the joy of this life you breathed into me." Because Honey, I'd lost that. My future no longer appeared joyous, fulfilling or anticipatory. Just sad until a heavenly homecoming.

Then I felt God tell me, "How about if, instead of finding new cats to restore your happiness, you wait? Wait to return to a simple daily joy in Me, first?"

Two weeks into that, some days I succeed, others I fail, but since Saturday, finally, I'm experiencing more emotionally good hours than sad. At least I'm recognizing my old self and oh my, she's grateful for a God who hung in there with her.

And continues to do so.

I did think of one good thing this tragedy brought about: now if you tell me you've been traumatized, I can sympathize with you much better. I will never forget this devastation.

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I kept reminding myself to not let my emotions push me around, but still, I too often sank beneath them. In the mire.

But I discovered good lists, things to do when the initial shock has worn off--

Exercise

Take walks

Talk with friends who'll understand.

Eat right

Spend much time with God

Take your vitamins

Get out and about

List your blessings

Read the Bible

Be gentle with yourself, but tough against the lies

Begin a new hobby (or return to an old one)

Watch encouraging videos, movies, etc.

Peruse uplifting books

Find a helpful place online (Instagram greatly encouraged me)

---And ask for help if nothing seems to be working or if you can't make yourself do anything helpful.

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Some good news:

Naomi has a new job: she's a tour guide at a local vacation spot! So far she's liking it and I enjoy her tourist stories.

Home decor for crafters.

"I Don't Feel Like Myself ... And How I'm Fixing That"

Only for the quirkiest amongst us.   ツ

Ariel's Cool New Coffee Bar

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Please remember: My posts are always about more than they appear to be. 

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 "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ... Matthew 6:14,15

April This And That

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."   --- Romans 12:12, Psalm 147:3

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1.) First, how am I feeling? (Thanks for asking. heh.) My post from Facebook explains it--

On this most holy Easter morning, I awoke, for the first time in 3 weeks, with my heart back in one piece. Like a suddenly miracle.

In fact, when I checked my email, a woman on Craigslist finally answered an inquiry I'd made about the cats she's giving away and you know? Even if it comes to nothing, I'll be ok. More than.

We really do serve a risen Savior who heals our broken hearts!

But oh Honey, what a rough season, one beginning 15 months ago, a season of shaking, rather like this:

"The words “once more” indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain."   --- Hebews 12:27

Many have experienced a season of shaking since 2020 (didn't I spy some of you in that silent waiting room of healing?). I'm sure they/you would agree that it's now we discover who's in our 'village', who truly cares--and who does not.

And that's a good thing. 

Yet it's wild how often our village ends up not being the people we thought, but rather, the ones who showed up when we needed them to.

2.) Don't you love it when you discover music which perfectly fits as a soundtrack to your life? Here's my current favorite one. This is my second best-loved soundtrack. 

These songs follow me around my upstairs rooms and change the atmosphere into something special, like an adventurous movie.

3.) Oh! Homestead Tessie told us about compressed soil bricks made from coconuts. What a great idea for us of a certain age who'd rather not lug around huge bags of soil. You just add water to them, one brick at a time if you wish, then they expand inside your bucket or wheelbarrow. 

Though not filled with nutrients, it's supposed to hold the water in your soil better when mixed with your other potting soils, compost, etc. I'll let you know how it goes.

4.) A special thank-you to Dolores for introducing me to Hope Ann at Youtube!

Here's the first video I watched. Then I chose this second video because Hope Ann gives us a tour with the story of her generational family farm. I'd wondered how she came to live there.

If you appreciate peaceful, slow-paced videos with nature, books, decor and simple living, you may like Hope Ann.

5.) The books I finished reading in March--

Addie's Mountain by Kate Willis

Truly, Madly, Sheeply by Heather Vogel Frederick

Winterbound by Margery Williams Bianco

Meet Your Baker by Ellie Alexander

Sea View Secret by Elizabeth Kinsey

6.) How do I feel about the upcoming eclipse? Well, certainly not all fearful like some folks. Rather, I'm thinking it'll just be a sign from God to remind us that satan's darkness only appears to cover the light for a very short time. 

The light will always return to shine brightly again.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."   --- John 1:5

(But you are stocked-up on groceries and supplies just in case, right?)  シ

7.) We watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 and enjoyed it. In fact, Tom shocked me by saying it felt like a Top 10 movie for him. Me? I loved the Greek sunlight and kept staring and staring at it. 

8.) This podcast with Mike Rowe and Neal McDonough was so delightful that I immediately watched it over again, the second time with Tom. I can't even explain why I loved it. Just watch, if you wish, for yourself.

9.)  For years in a draft folder I've kept at least 10 photo home tours that I absolutely loved. Often I'd revisit them and wish my home resembled theirs.

But you know? Last month I looked them over and thought, "Hmm. Where did the magic go? Where's the delight I used to feel when viewing these houses?"

The good news? I realized my own rooms, in many cases, now delight me more. They've grown along with me and become exactly what I like.

And that contentment is a relief. A joy. A blessing.

(Currently I'm adding my rooms to Instagram. If you'd like to join me there, I'll send you a link if you email me at GladOne4@yahoo.com )

10.) If you adore pink and white dollhouses, these will thrill your heart!

Happy April to you!

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Please remember: My posts are always about more than they appear to be. *** "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ... Matthew 6:14,15

The Zombie Lady On The Red Couch

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."   --- Psalm 147:3

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Oh dear.

You missed the zombie lady on the red couch. Scary sight, that, what with her sad stare, nearly lifeless body and shriveled heart. The returning snow and cold outside the icy glass windows, also.

The tragedy with Charlie Cat? Not a test, but rather, a spiritual attack along the lines with Job's story. You know, as tho' satan told God, "Let me take away Debra's new cat and you'll see if she still loves you."

Spiritual attacks. They come after you've sown good seeds. Done things right. Made a difference in peoples' lives. They are undeserved and meant to shut you down. Make you useless. 

I'm used to small ones, but this one shattered me.

(While I'm here, this is why you'll almost-never hear me criticize Christian leaders. The more people one ministers to, the more intense and consistent the attacks and temptations hurled. Oh, what they must experience!)

Man, not since nearly 25 years ago (long, unfair story) have I experienced such wild, varying emotions: anger, devastation, confusion, grief, regret, weakness, and a lack of hope in returning to whom I'd become. 

Yet faithfully Jesus is leading me through this mine field. He reminds me of myriad lessons and takes me new places like, well, Instagram, with healing words like these:

"This pain is only temporary, but my joy will be eternal. This suffering will last for a season, but my perfect body will be a new, immortal creation. These cries are only temporary, my worship will continue forever. This broken heart is temporary, my Healer is all-powerful and His promises are trustworthy."     

---She Rises

--and--

"Every tear you cry He sees. Every hope you lost, He restores."

---CoffeeWithMyFather

Also, while watching my Gilmore Girls movie dvd's, Jesus reminded through this song that I'm not unbreakable (very humbling) and this song made me yearn for my former creative, happy self (a right step).

Anyway. Now I understand why some people experience a tragedy, trauma, and are never the same. Why they choose the tempation to build concrete walls, aid no one, stop all risks, and hide for their life's remainder.

I get it now. 

But with Jesus by my side, I'm not going there. He's helping me to--in Time--choose a different outcome. His.

Oh, and I've been in Facebook jail a week. I think. They're not letting me use any text in my posts, only memes. Gah. Didn't need that on top of all else whether it's simply a glitch or something else.

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These past 2 weeks, Youtube also helped my sorry self (though truthfully, a couple times I thought, "Man, I'm even getting sick of Youtube!).  シ

How had I never heard of Lustron houses? I find them fascinating. Last week I watched probably 10 videos about them. Here's one more.

Such a peaceful video, this one. Made me want to live on a small boat! Well, for a few moments there. heh.

And although it's been difficult counting my blessings these past two weeks, here was a lovely one. The book I ordered to read on my birthday: Winterbound. One of the best new-to-me books I'd read in a long time.

And as I shared at Facebook (the post which may have landed me in FB jail, for it was the last one with text) ---

Lately Tom and I watch one episode of CHiPs each evening. Always as it ends, we feel we traveled back in Time.

We recognize that 1970's world.

We understand the cars, the clothes, the stores. We understand the people and the way they talk face to face and go out, have fun, and do not stare at their phones or wear pajamas in the streets.

People weren't perfect, ok. But the masses weren't as stressed-out and angry back then. (Your experience may have varied.)

I still believe things will change someday, but in the meantime? We're thankful for shows like CHiPs to show us a world we understand better than the one today.

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Please remember: My posts are always about more than they appear to be. 

 *** 

 "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ... Matthew 6:14,15